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To Be Still

 


To Be Still — 

Being still doesn’t come naturally to me, but I noticed something on the paddleboard the other day. I was kneeling near the edge of the lake, and even though I wasn’t actually still, the slow drift of the board made my body feel calmer than usual. The water moves on its own rhythm, and my balance doesn’t match it, so I had to adjust constantly while I looked and listened.

While I was drifting, I saw a kingfisher — a quick flash of blue and orange. I turned the board as fast as I could and saw it again before it went into a tree. After that, I couldn’t find it no matter how hard I tried.

The sun was warm, the wildlife noise steady, and the board kept moving just enough that I relaxed more than I expected. I even lost my balance for a second because of how settled I felt. Water has always been the place where I feel safe and calm, almost surreal. I’m not sure why it’s always been a happy place. As a child I had complete freedom around water, probably more than I should have, but it taught me how to swim and how to trust my instincts.

That short moment at Horseshoe Lake — £22 every few weeks — has become something important. It’s a space where I can stop, look, listen, and feel still even though I’m actually moving. It’s the closest I’ve come to real calm in adulthood.

Footnote: No child is ever truly safe near water, but I was a confident one. I felt safe long before adult life replaced instinct with fear. I was 100 percent in danger — I just didn’t know it.


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