Magical thinking is survival logic

Magical thinking is survival logic. (Growing Up)

It’s believing what I’m told even when there’s barely any information — because of the uniform, because I’m performing the confident voice, because I’m the one with the best mask in the room. APD means I’m not really taking the information on board. It’s that ND instinct to anchor myself to whatever looks solid.

But that’s how I got hurt — stung — and left standing there not knowing what to do with it. Because I trusted the situation, the authority, the performance. And when it slips, I’m left with the shock of realising the story I built doesn’t match what’s actually happening.

Footnote

And honestly — that’s still how I get hurt. Who am I kidding. Because it isn’t their mask I’m trusting. They don’t have one — they’re the professional. It’s my mask. My “I understand,” my “I’m fine,” my “I’ve got it,” my ND performance of competence that hides the APD gap. I trust that version of me… and then realise she didn’t actually hear the full picture.

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