THE DAY I FELT USELESS AND DID EVERYTHING ANYWAY - This triptych was written from a voice note, in a car, while constantly stopping at red lights.

 

BLOG POST 3 — THE DAY I FELT USELESS AND DID EVERYTHING ANYWAY

Today I didn’t feel good. Not physically, not mentally, not energetically. I felt like a puppet with half its strings missing and the other half tangled. I felt like a woman who had slept too much and somehow not enough.

But here’s the strange thing: I still did everything.

I answered my messages. I made it to the first thing, even if I was late. I talked to my son. I talked to my daughter. I met a friend. I ate breakfast. I had conversations I didn’t think I had the brain for. I brushed a horse. I lived a whole day while feeling like a malfunctioning marionette.

And it made me realise something I’ve never had time to realise before: Feeling is hard. Feeling is new. Feeling is something I used to outrun by being busy, by being early, by being prepared, by being everything to everyone.

Now I’m slowing down. Now I’m letting feelings in. Now I’m noticing the gap between how I feel and what I do. And today, even feeling useless, I still managed to manage.

Maybe that’s the story. Not that I’m failing. But that I’m functioning in a new way — a softer way — a way that allows for mess and lateness and illness and still counts the day as lived.

I didn’t feel good. But I did good. And maybe that’s enough.

Tags: emotional-processing, neurodivergence, overwhelm, daily-functioning, self-compassion

FOOTNOTE FOR ALL THREE POSTS

This triptych was written from a voice note, in a car, while constantly stopping at red lights — a whole day lived in fragments, stitched together afterwards.