MEMOIR BLAST — TRIPTYCH (WITH “I HATED HIM”)
My childhood trauma memories
COLEY PARK — THE WEASEL EYED MAN AND THE GLASS TABLE
The dinner table — the glass dinner table — the irony of it.
1980's black and stainless steel furniture that belonged to M-, the man who robbed the For Court Garage on Kings Road, took a boat across the river with his son and someone else, and vanished for a while. he was on the run. My mum ended up dating him.
We had his furniture in our house: the black glass table, black leather chairs with silver frames, and a tabletop made from two thick square chunks of glass. I remember it so clearly it shocks me that I don’t have proof, but it happened.
M- was suave, older, smooth in that way that makes your skin crawl. He lived in the Coley Park flats — the two huge towers side by side.
I knew he wasn’t nice straight away. He had a limp.
His eyes were weasel like — sly, sharp, never still.
I hated him.
I was only a child, but I already knew he was bad.
We went to his flat once — me, my mum, and him — to collect clothes.
High brown shaggy carpet. Black 1980s furniture with stainless steel frames, not gold.
That style is fashionable again now, but I could never have it. It belongs to him.
I remember sitting on the window ledge. The window slid open in a strange way, and you could sit and look straight down. It blew my mind.
We got his clothes and left.
WHITLEY — THE HOUSE, THE HOOVER, THE MEN ROUND THE TABLE
Next memories: Whitley.
He’s living with us now.
I’m back in my own bedroom — when there wasn't a man in the house, I slept in my mum’s room. I never liked sleeping alone.
One night I came onto the landing. My youngest brother had got out of bed, and M- was marching him back to his room. He went to kick him. I think I shouted, or stepped in.
There was a Hoover thrown — whether at me or at him, I don’t know — but something happened: a kick (metaphorical? threat) , an angry man, and me telling him I’d get him when I was older.
My mum calmed it down? (assumption) no proof.
That was that.
( we had moved to Woodley at this point) time line hard
Later, there was the night they were preparing for trouble — M- possibly coming back for his stuff, old beef with Paul, now dating my mum.
My brothers were sent to their biological dad’s.
I was shipped out to a sleepover I didn’t want. I probably misbehaved because I wanted to go home. I needed to check on my mum. I was more her carer than she was mine by then.
I must’ve been around twelve ish not quite thirteen.
The men arrived — the ones I’ve written about before: Bob and Mick.
Big men. Cigarettes. Sitting around our glass table.
They emptied their pockets, jackets, even socks.
The table looked like a scene from a martial arts film — nun chucks, metal rings you put your fingers through, other weapons I can’t name. Maybe a knife. Maybe not. A table full of things meant to protect.
Paul was a black belt in karate.
He’d met them during a short time in prison.
They weren’t good men, (yet they where) they were there to protect my mum and us.
Nothing happened in the end.
But the possibility hung in the air.
And for once, someone cared enough to protect us.
WOODLEY — THE RAID, THE MONEY, THE FOR COURT GARAGE ROBBERY
We moved to Woodley.
M- moved with us.
We weren’t there long before the raid.
Police everywhere.
They took my mum into the kitchen. There was a glass partition between the front room and the kitchen, so I could see her being questioned. My brothers were on the sofa. I gave them the look — don’t speak. I’d seen films where they take children away. None of us were going to say a word.
They tore the house apart.
The worst part was the Christmas presents — wrapped and ready — being unwrapped by the police. My third brother was devastated. He’d bought gifts for everyone, and they ripped them open.
They swarmed the house like ants.
They left with a Rover biscuit tin full of rolled up banknotes from the loft.
We barely had food at that point, but there was money hidden above our heads.
M- was arrested.
He went to prison.
(The prison visit is its own blast.)
The robbery itself was the For Court Garage on Kings Road, next to what was then Reading College. They burgled it, took a boat across the Kennet at the back of the college, and escaped with a lot of money — a big haul at the time.
FOOTNOTE
The Jinx Table
One day I banged the glass table top and one of the thick glass squares dropped straight through, hit my foot, shattered, and broke my toe. Mum made me wait until the next day to go to hospital.
Reading Prison
(protection or distraction always something I'm need for as a child)
Reading Prison — the Kit Kat:
Little girl visiting an inmate.
I went to protect my mum.
He tried to send me away to get a Kit Kat.
I refused the Kit Kat.
He hated me.
The Puppy
In Whitley, he brought home an Alsatian puppy — probably for protection, not love.
Something happened that showed me exactly who he was, and by the next morning the puppy was gone.
Prince.
Another reason I knew he was an evil man.
Eggs and Cheese sauce
whist our loft was full of money we where not and had become accustomed to eggs and cheese sauce.
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