The Bath As I Slip Under CHAPTER 6

The Bath As I Slip Under CHAPTER 6 — The Loop

CHAPTER 6 — The Loop

Five days later,

everyone else has left the hospital.

I’m still there,

caught in the loop:

feed, change —

repeat.

My head is like a Rolodex.

I didn’t sleep.

I didn’t rest.

Digest.

Change.

Repeat.

The rule follower.

I lose his bangles on his ankles every day.

I have to go through the bins —

the disgusting nappy bins —

to find his bracelets.

Because that’s the rule.

So I follow.

In a drugged-taste dream,

I wake up.

Someone come take me away from this place.

I had seen so many babies,

but I did not know

how they got to the place.

I go home.

And the vortex rolls.

The vortex swells.

I haven’t slept.

I don’t have enough blood.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I put on my mask:

Mum.

I can be Mum.

Stitches are infected.

I have piles —

even though I don’t know what they are.

My back is broken.

The veins and stretch marks

have crept all over my body.

I resemble a tree.

My arms hurt.

I try to pull myself away,

but my legs are so numb and heavy,

I hurt myself more.

Just when you think it couldn’t get worse,

I go home.

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