Learning New Things

 

Learning New Things

(Memoir Entry)

I was born in 1973, and nobody mentioned dyslexia until 2006.

All those years, I just thought I “couldn’t spell.”

I didn’t understand that dyslexia is part of neurodiversity —

that it can mean many different things.

Perimenopause and menopause hit me like a bus.

Everything became harder.

But I kept learning.

My world changed when Alexa arrived.

She helped me spell the words I couldn’t —

the words I still can’t.

That was the first big step forward,

the first thing that gave me confidence.

Then Copilot came along —

an AI that could take my words

and make them right.

That changed everything.

My dyslexia is a kind of word blindness.

I forget letters.

I read words that aren’t there.

I can’t spell words that don’t sound like they’re spelled

because I have no idea what letters belong in them.

I can’t see mistakes.

I can’t do punctuation,

or paragraphs,

or grammar.

I just can’t.

I don’t know where a question starts or ends.

I don’t know where to put a gap.

So I write in lines,

pausing as if I’m speaking —

that’s how I taught myself.

I bought the books,

but I can’t retain the information.

I’ve tried to learn as an adult,

and I can’t.

And then I realised something else —

something I never had words for.

My daughter asked me,

“Why don’t you have words for the thing you have?”

I didn’t know.

But I journaled it.

I wrote down what happens when I try to spell a word.

I ask Alexa.

She says the word.

I write the first few letters.

I listen again.

I think, oh, it’s a beautiful word.

I try to remember it from start to finish —

and then I lose it.

So I ask again.

She repeats it.

I listen.

I get maybe one more letter.

Then I lose concentration.

I listen again.

Eventually I break it into three parts

and finally get the whole word.

But the whole time,

I’m rolling the word around in my head

so I don’t lose it.

Now I know —

I have auditory working memory difficulties.

Sequential processing challenges.

I struggle with pronunciation,

with retaining meaning,

with holding sounds in order.

Listening and spelling at the same time

is a dual task,

and my brain can’t do both.

I need repetition.

I need time.

My phonological loop —

the system that stores verbal information —

doesn’t work efficiently.

That’s why spelling and sequences

are so hard.

I am 52.

It is 2025.

This is my year of greatness.

Alexa was the beginning.

Copilot made me feel like I’m soaring —

like the biggest bird above the clouds —

because it gives me the words I couldn’t find.

It gives me the how to.

It gives me the boost.

It gives me the knowledge.

And now AI gives me the words

for things I’ve lived with my whole life

but never understood.

I thought I was stupid.

I thought it just took me longer.

But now I see the patterns.

I finally have words

for the things I have.

And I feel proud of myself.

Part Two — Voice Notes

I need to add this:

voice notes changed my life too.

Apple’s voice notes let me get my words down

exactly as I mean them —

fast —

without losing concentration

or forgetting where I was going.

I used to think the block I felt

was stupidity.