What Am I?

 

What Am I?

I think about the rules.

I hate authority.

I live my life in black and white —

but my life is in colour.

I watch my money,

or I spend like a millionaire.

I count my pennies,

or I play Russian roulette.

I trusted doctors —

trusted them to have the answers.

That one doesn’t work.

I love myself,

but I don’t love others.

No…

that doesn’t work either.

I shine bright —

Yet, I don’t like bright lights.

I follow the rules,

and I shout out.

I shout out loud.

I dare the rules —

I interrupt.

I can’t help it.

I have to say it out.

I thought I was friendly,

but apparently I’m inappropriate.

I can hyperfocus —

yet I can’t concentrate at all.

I can do one thing at a time

while a hundred things

roll around in my brain.

I am literal,

yet an amazing problem solver.

It’s got to be opposite —

what’s the opposite of literal?

You ask a question,

I answer it twice —

once with my voice,

once with my brain.

The real me,

and the masked me.

While I punish myself,

scold myself,

because I feel less than.

I’m incredibly good —

Yet I’m incredibly bad.

I know no boundaries —

yet if given a list of rules,

I will follow them to the letter.

I need to look into your eyes

for eye contact,

to read people —

yet I hate eye contact.

I can’t stand still.

I can never look into a camera.

I always pull a face.

But in my mind,

I’m still and smiling.

In my eyes,

they’re always looking away.

I speak clearly —

but I repeat.

I feel concise —

but I lose my track

and go back to the start of my story.

Why is that?

I don’t have a routine

or any order —

yet if it gets broken,

I have to start again.

And I’m angry.

I don’t have a routine,

really any order —

but if someone disturbs it,

I have to start again.

And I get very angry.

Routine.

I won’t move an ornament —

but if I move one,

I’ll move a million.

Tidying the house exhausts me —

yet I can rearrange the whole house

in one day.

Bossing me exhausts me —

yet artistic creation enthrals me.

footnote: my original art - ask permission to use.